7/23/13
So I’m
starting this off because I decided to make a change in my life. I am (and
always have been) overweight, but it has never really bothered me. Even today,
I don’t see it as this terrible monster that is bent on consuming me. I never
got made fun of very much in school over it, mainly because I was still active
in sports, just chubby. I had tons of friends and, even today, am known as the “Puppy,”
since I can seemingly make friends with almost anyone. I never had too much
trouble getting a boyfriend, so the whole focus on looks was not a priority for
me.
However, the desire came when I
started teaching. I’m a role model to these kids with my actions and my words. I teach 7th grade, a very
vulnerable time for many kids as their bodies are changing and they are all
trying to conform to what is considered “cool” or in style for the time being.
I had a small group of girls in my homeroom who were going through a lot of
image and relationship issues. Though I don’t agree with 12 year old girls having
boyfriends that young, it’s a reality now n’ days in middle school. The
pressure to feel beautiful and to have someone validate that feeling for you is
what every preteen and teenager girl wants (and maybe even older). Two girls in
particular I treated as if they were my own daughters. I had a very motherly
relationship with them since they would come crying to me with their problems,
literally. I’ve lost count of how many prep periods I’ve given up to console
and comfort these two girls. But, even after all that, I realized that when I
tell girls things like “You should be happy with yourself and think of yourself
as beautiful first,” that I didn’t necessarily feel that way. I felt like a hypocrite,
telling these girls to be happy with themselves when I obviously was not. I will see these girls again when school
starts up in a few weeks, but I definitely did see a positive change. Those two
girls will always stick with me in my heart because I truly care about keeping
them out of trouble. I realized, though, that I need to find a way to be happy
with myself.
I thought about it on and off. I
always had an excuse. I’m too busy. My personal life sucks. I’m too tired and
just want to sleep. But I like my girls’ nights so much! But things started to
fall into place. I got into a better routine at work (never mind the last two
weeks of school) and started making it a point to not bring work home so I
could focus on me. I left a very volatile relationship and am now with a
wonderful gentleman who is nothing but my biggest cheerleader and supporter. I’m
still too tired and just want to sleep, but I force myself to work through that
mindset. One of my friends from college, Amanda, had asked me several times to
go to the gym with her, simply to help keep her motivated. I gave in and
decided to go on a free 3-day pass to her gym. It was intimidating! All the
machines, super buff (Read: hot!) guys and girls making it look easy, and there
I was. I probably would not have stuck around if she had not been there. She
showed me a few of the machines and we moved to the treadmills.
Even active in sports in school, I
was never a runner. The mile run was the worst day of my life every year. I
dreaded it because it highlights how physically inept a student is and can be
cause for ridicule, even though the teachers don’t mean for it to become that.
Amanda encouraged me to at least try her interval running technique (run for
60s, walk for 30s). The first couple minutes, I hated it. All these memories of
running on that stupid track flooded back and made me feel incapable. But she
was there, giving me encouragement and the strength I needed to last just a few
minutes longer. I decided to see how long I could run straight, with no
walking. I made it to 3 minutes and felt exhausted; walking the rest of the 15
minutes we were on the treadmill.
Something hit me after that. I felt
tired, but I felt GREAT! I think a large part of exercising is doing it on your
own terms. I’m not typically a defiant person, but I don’t like people sitting
there and telling me I have to do something a specific way, especially
when it comes to my own personal well-being. I remember texting Dan and being
so excited about running for 3 minutes. I came home telling him I was going to
try for 5 minutes next time. That’s
pretty much where it all started.
I signed up for the Glow Run 5k on
September 2nd, 2013. I’m also doing the ROC (Ridiculous Obstacle
Course) 5k in November. Both are more fun and not necessarily about speed, or
even running the whole way, but I figured it was a start. All I know is that
when I’m running, walking, or just being active, I’m doing my best to be an
example for my students. I don’t have children yet, so they are my pride and
joy. If I can show one kid that he can change his life for the better on his
terms, then I feel I have succeeded. Let’s see what I can do! J
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